It's slowly coming together now. I remember.....the Alamo?
No, that can't be right...
Let's see, the GF and I stayed with friends downtown. Hot tub, plasma TV, and nearby grocery store saved our lives more than once. As a result, we stayed mostly at the downtown parties, venturing into South Beach only a couple of times.
BEST VENUE:
Karu/Y Ultralounge
Holy crap. Clean, classy, and neverending. $25 million dollar investment and worth every penny. Two waterfalls, a tatched roof bar, a garden, a dozen cabañas with yummy pillows and sofas. Just pure class. Think LeSouk times a hundred thousand. But it wasn't just the money invested, it was the thought put into this club. Free massages. An outdoor grille & chef making beef sandwiches, chicken sandwiches, & hot dogs (why don't more clubs do this?). The bouncers were everywhere but never intrusive, always on the go. And, get this, they actually LOWERED their drink prices for the conference...a large cup of ice water was $1. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
BEST/MOST SURPRISING ACT:
Tie: Tiga & Malente
Uh....why did I assume that because of his releases, Tiga was a slow chugging electro DJ? Holy crap. By his second or third song, he was bringing the madness. Monsterously intelligent driving techno. Think peak time Twilo. I swear it was that good.
Malente (who?) is this German electro DJ who perfectly transistioned the outdoor terrace vibe at Pawn Shop between the Aquabooty party & Sunday School for Degenerates. Smart, goofy electro that playfully straddles the line between tweeking and rocking. It takes balls to play that kind of music. You have to trust that the crowd will follow...and boy did we ever! Also special props for letting people dance on stage. That is a party.
BEST RESTAURANT
Novecento
Again, downtown. Gorgeous Argentinian place that plays (on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, & Saturdays) the best tech house/prog/techno. The DJ is also Argentinian and he was dropping the same bombs that I heard at conference, but at a steakhouse. Also, the food was relatively cheap. A 14-oz steak with chimichurri and fries for $21. Don't know if the one in Soho is this good, but I highly recommend the one on Brickell.
BEST IRONY
Loving the rain
So apparently the weather was lovely in New York this weekend. But Miami was cloudy and rainy for most of last week. Sunday was finally the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Since we were staying on the 21st floor of a luxury condo, we were afforded glorious views of the weather from our patio. We could see exactly where the sheets of rain began, undulated, cascaded, and ended. Frickin' cool. Also, you could always spot the druggies at an outdoor event. They were the only ones who, when it started to rain, ran out from under cover and INTO the rain while everyone else was diving out. Priceless.
BEST TRACK
No idea. I know what I liked and I can hum the melodies, but I never went up to ask DJs anything and I got and lost promos like crazy. I would love to hear what other people's favorite tracks are.
Now, the worsts:
WORST VENUE
Probably a lot of them, but the most heinous way to blow your money was Area 51. I went to the Ultra-afterparty to support Gaby and everything that could have gone wrong, did. Within the first five minutes. They opened about an hour late (due to an earlier power outage). The DJ guestlists were fucked. The presale willcall list was fucked. The manager was rude and unnaccomadating (to everyone including the DJs). The staff was incredibly touchy feely. The rooms were dirty and messy (by one stage, in the corner of the dancefloor was a ladder, an extension cord, and a bunch of thick, golden streamers...possibly decorations from a previous party?). The ATM was broke. Just a mess. It was formerly a club called Metropolis that opened and closed within about six months. Enough said.
WORST ACT
Some Latin American folk rock band that played at the Aquabooty party. Perfect for SXSW, not so much the WMC.
WORST TYPE OF PEOPLE
People who insist on talking to you though they are unintelligible.
Think Keith Richards with bullets in his mouth. Actually, talked to Keith at Pawn Shop and I understood him just fine. Think asshole schmucks with drugs in their system.
SECOND WORST TYPE OF PEOPLE
People who are so whacked out that they are ungrateful when you help them.
Some nasty girls at Sunday School were cold. A nice fellow (not in our party) loans one girl his Armani windbreaker. She and her friend disappear into a corner and vomit onto his jacket (actually into her hand covering her mouth and into his jacket). What does she do next? She takes off the jacket and ditches it behind a speaker. We only witnessed the second half of that story. The guy about three hours later is getting a drink and spots his jacket. He's delighted since it's his favorite jacket. It hurt my soul to have to give him the bad news. I really wanted to give him drugs instead. You just can't be nice to some people. Fuckin' amateurs.
CLEAR SIGN THAT THE CONFERENCE IS PASSÉ
Fuck that. Every year, same shit. The conference is too commercial, expensive, touristy, cheesy, dirty, over, done, overdone. Whatever. It's Miami, for fuck's sake! Listen, for a moment, screw the parties. Miami is still hilarious. It's a zoo filled with the most exotic of the most exotic species, people. Sitting on Ocean drive on the weekends is better than laughing gas. I saw about three new flourescent colors that I've never seen before. Botox, fake body parts, napkins for bathing wear, thongs. And that's just the men! You gotta love it. If not, kill yourself. You have no soul. And anyway, isn't about the music? Everybody, from DJs on down to laypeople, heard the most amazing music. So there.
What are other people's faves, raves, and boos?
See you next year.
